Saturday, 23 March 2013

Me me me vs ...

I see many people who like to be the topic of talks all the time, to be the center of attention. In one word, to be popular. 
I also know few people who, on the contrary to the first group, do not need to be the center of attention. Instead, they seclude themselves from social life. In a subtle way, they see themselves better than the rest, but do not make a show of that.
The first group usually call themselves, in a humorous way, narcissists.
Although they might seem so in the first glance, they are usually somewhere close to the opposite. If Narcissism is characterized by self-love, egotism, and selfishness, I can see it in the second group and more clearly. A person who loves him-self, doesn't need to prove it to someone else, nor needs others' approvals or love (self-love makes him self-sufficient). An egotist doesn't care about people's opinions and a selfish person usually puts himself on a pedestal instead of becoming the subject of talks. He knows better that these sorts of talks in praise of someone, are nothing but absurd.

It might be linked to the difference of introversion/extroversion too. I don't know about extroversion, but one can be introvert by choice. By definition, Narcissism very much suits the second group (mentioned above), and introversion comes with the package.

Monday, 4 March 2013

Phil, Sophy and (Johnny) Dep(p)*

Early in my teenage years, I started thinking about and questioning life, its meaning and its purpose. As a results of obsessing about those questions, now I am dealing with depression. Sometimes it comes to the surface and disrupts my life completely, but generally, it is chronic and hides under the subconscious. 
My life, it's not dark all the time, actually most of times I feel okay. Only lately that I have started practicing meditation I experience the same old feelings which triggered the whole thing, the closest description of which would be "looking right into the eyes of life and seeing its emptiness". It didn't use to be so frightening, but as I digested the concept through time, it turned to a recurring nightmare.
The good thing is, I could deal with it meta-cognitively, by looking at my situation from above and outside, analyzing it and not taking it too seriously. I now believe that there is hope for recovery too, not through psychology, because psychologists cannot answer the questions I pose, I can easily wind them up with a few simple questions and either they are smart enough to understand there cannot be a right answer, or they aren't, neither of which would help me; drugs might help, I think, but my depression emerged out of philosophical despair and even though there might be no answers to mitigate that, I believe a step-by-step intellectual change could get me back to the state of "non-depression", through changing my focus to simpler things for example (instead of drugs, which I, nevertheless deem effective, but would like to keep as the last resort).
I will probably write about it more, as I both hope it could be of help to someone else, and the mere act of translating the emotions I experience to language helps the process.